The Super Bowl is right around the corner, and perhaps some of you haven’t exactly caught up with football fever. Maybe, like Gigi, you’d rather read a book when a big game (or any game, for that matter) is on TV. But if you’re willing follow these tips, you can make football watching not only bearable, but really fun. In fact, if you get really into football, if can make or break your weekend. Because let’s face it, winning is awesome and feels good. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
8 – Drink heavily.
Invited to someone’s house for the game? Never fear. Most football-watching parties will include beer, wine and assorted spirits, and if you’re lucky—delicious snacks like queso or 7 layer dip. (If the football watching party is at a bar, you’re definitely golden; the only downside is of course the harm to your wallet.) Start drinking when you get there, and you won’t get bored if you don’t get what’s going on during the game.
7 – Learn a couple of rules.
This will take you far. I promise. A quick guide:
A touchdown is worth 6 points.
A field goal is worth 3 points. If the team can’t make a touchdown and it’s close enough, the team might kick instead. The ball has to go through the uprights. That’s a field goal.
An extra point is kicked after a touchdown and is worth—you got it—one extra point.
If the team tries for a pass after the touchdown and makes it, it’s worth TWO extra points. (This is a great one. Say “Think they’ll go for two here?” You sound like you know what you’re talking about, and any boy will jump at the chance to share his opinion.)
Each team has four downs. Think of a down like a “chance.” You’ve got four chances to either move the ball 10 yards or score. The object is always to get to first down, which is 10 yards away. 1st and 10 = 1st down and 10 yards to go. 2nd and 2 = it’s 2nd down and 2 yards to go. If you haven’t moved the ball 10 yards by 4th down, you’re out of chances and you usually kick to the other team.
(Remember, NO ONE fully understands the kicking rules. Don’t bother with it. The other stuff is more important.)
6 – Choose a team.
There are a host of choices here, as you can go with college or NFL. If you’re really dedicated, you can choose a college team and an NFL team. This means you’ll have an activity on both Saturday AND Sunday. Say goodbye to productivity all autumn long! Once you’ve chosen your team, buy a really cute shirt—a baby tee or a tank top—and wear it on game day. That way you can get ready to go to a football party just like you were going to a real party. Try and get into rooting for your team when it’s playing, or rooting against your team’s biggest rivals. You have to be emotionally invested in a game to enjoy it.
5 – Don’t ask too many questions—and DON’T ask them at the wrong time.
If some sort of crazy play happens and the refs are in a huddle and they’re airing a replay, DON’T ask, “What happened?” Wait until the refs give the call. Boys will just roll their eyes at you.
4 – Pay attention to stupid player names.
Everyone gets a good chuckle out of some guy named Tebucky.
3 – Listen to the commentators say things that don’t make sense.
No matter whether you’re watching college or NFL, the commentators will probably suck. They will say things like, “Look at the way he runs with his legs!” and you’ll be thinking, “As opposed to his arms?”
2 – Watch the coaches to see if you can make out all the curse words.
After a really bad play, the cameras will definitely zoom in on the head coach. You might institute a shot game—take a shot each time he rips the headphones from his head or yells at the refs.
1 – When in doubt, nap.
If you’re not at a football party or a bar, just go to sleep. Then you can say you were watching football, which earns you cool points, and you also get beauty sleep. WIN.