04.24.2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know how you do it!\u201d If I had a dollar for every time I heard those words, I could actually hire someone to help me do it. Or hire someone to do it for me and then I could lay in my bed and read (#goals).\u00a0 I heard these words again this week and I find them oh-so irritating.\u00a0 Because let\u2019s be real:\u00a0A)<\/strong>\u00a0You aren\u2019t actually impressed with what I\u2019m doing and\u00a0B)<\/strong>You don\u2019t really want to know how it\u2019s done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Welcome to my latest rant!<\/p>\n\n\n\n At best \u201cI don\u2019t know how you do it!\u201d is just one of those things that people spit out when they really don\u2019t have anything to say, but feel the need to talk anyway. As a lifelong introvert, I particularly dislike this kind of happy horse shit and fervently wish that people would stop polluting the air with meaningless words (yes, I\u2019m also a bit of an asshole). It\u2019s much like \u201cYou\u2019ve got your hands full!\u201d or \u201cIs it hot enough for you?\u201d or \u201cHow about that exciting sportsball whatever?\u201d (not an actual thing, just what sports-talk sounds like to me). I do understand the need for human connection, so I will try not to act like an asshole when I hear these things in their benign, friendly tones, and will probably just nod vaguely and move on with my life. You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At worst, \u201cI don\u2019t know how you do it!\u201d has a little snotty tone to it that betrays the not-very-well hidden message of \u201cYour life sounds so shitty to me. Glad I\u2019m not you!\u201d I\u2019ve received way too much of this in the past 4 years, what with my surprise divorce and years of piloting a hideously ugly minivan, not to mention the constant presence of multiple boychildren, who belong to me and are always wilding nearby. You\u2019d think I\u2019d be used to it, but much like those situations where people tell you that you \u201clook tired\u201d when they really mean that you look ugly or disheveled to to them, IT GRATES. I get that \u201ctired\u201d one a lot too, because I\u2019m a single parent in my 40s and hell yes I\u2019m tired. I usually just respond with, \u201cI AM tired, thanks so much for noticing!\u201d and raise my coffee cup to the asshole who said it, because really? Who doesn\u2019t know they are tired? Who needs it pointed out? Nobody, that\u2019s who.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I suppose \u201cI don\u2019t know how you do it!\u201d is a bit better than \u201cYou look tired!\u201d because faux admiration is surely better than faux concern. But honestly they both suck. Especially when said with a smug smile and little headshake. Yeah, I saw that. Thanks!<\/p>\n\n\n\n I guess it\u2019s possible that some people are actually wondering how I accomplish some of the unremarkable things in my life. Well I have answers to some of the \u201cI don\u2019t know how you\u2026\u201d comments I\u2019ve heard recently. Here you go:<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t know how you do that long-ish and trafficky commute to your job with the very inflexible schedule EVERY weekday! I sure couldn\u2019t do that! <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Answer: <\/strong>Oh I bet you could do it, if you had the motivation of it being the only means of your getting health insurance and the paycheck that provides food and a home for you and your children. And even though I do not love being in the car for 45 minutes in the morning and an hour at night to go 11 damn miles, it\u2019s actually super easy to do. I just get in the car (no longer a minivan!!) and put on a podcast like My Favorite Murder or a sweet (possibly yacht rock) playlist and then I drive while trying not to hit anything or swear too obviously at the other commuters until I get to work. Then I do it again at 5.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t know how you ran that half marathon! Who has time to train? Plus running is so boring\u2026especially on a treadmill. And aren\u2019t you worried about your knees?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Answer:<\/strong> Running isn\u2019t for everyone, but I love the way it makes me feel wrung out and happy and way less crazy. I fit it in to my already packed schedule, because being less crazy is a high priority for me. So I turn down other things or get up really early in order to do it. Bonus: the effects of running have (so far) kept me from throwing things at annoying people who tell me I look tired or ask me stupid questions while criticizing my choice of hobby. It\u2019s a win\/win for society! The actual doing it is a deceptively simple process of getting up out of a seated position, putting on running clothes and shoes and moving forward while listening to another awesome playlist that I compiled in my head during my long-ass commute. My knees seem to be holding up fine. I am not worried about them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t know how you handle parenting your three crazy sons!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n OK, this one may be legit, because my children are nutsy and loud and they all talk at once and want my personalized attention at all times. They also never walk when they can roll, flip or climb something and jump off of it and getting anywhere with them is exhausting and probably much like herding cats.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Answer: <\/strong> I\u2019m not very good at it. That\u2019s why I look tired. Having three kids was not the smartest move for my temperament and if I\u2019d known that I\u2019d be alone with them most of the time and that they\u2019d all be energetic boys, I might have rethought the whole endeavor. But I\u2019m lucky that I didn\u2019t know what my future would hold, because I adore them in all their craziness. They are truly my life\u2019s best reasons. I may sometimes look like I\u2019m not extra thrilled with it, but that is because I am so damn tired all the damn time. But it\u2019s good. We\u2019re all doing just fine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And that\u2019s the point of my rant. My life, while not everyone\u2019s cup of tea, is very good and I\u2019m fairly happy. Nobody really needs to know how I do it. I just do it, because it\u2019s what needs to be done and who cares? It all works for me. Everybody has things in their life that they don\u2019t particularly enjoy and that other people would find distasteful or downright horrifying. But they get them done because that\u2019s what they need to do to make their lives work. If you haven\u2019t had to make the best of some shitty situations recently, that\u2019s great! But don\u2019t get too smug, because life is unpredictable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you think that someone\u2019s life looks unpleasant, you do not need to let them know. If you must say something, you could try to be helpful with \u201cThis seems hard, is it? Can I help in some way?\u201d Or if you are truly impressed with the way someone is handling the challenges in their life you could give them some encouragement like \u201cYou are doing a great job!\u201d or \u201cI admire the way you did that.\u201d Those are nice things to hear. Or you could send them a lovely Starbucks gift card! Tired people love those.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thank you for reading my rant.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" 04.24.2019 \u201cI don\u2019t know how you do it!\u201d If I had a dollar for every time I heard those words, I could actually hire someone to help me do it. Or hire someone to do it for me and then I could lay in my bed and read (#goals).\u00a0 I heard these words again this … <\/p>\n