As previously reported, Shakira and I once did some, er….investigative reporting at a male strip club in Dallas called La Bare. Right from the start we thought La Bare was a dumb name. Does it mean ‘the nude’? In French? And why the Frenchiness, anyway? Is it supposed to class the joint up? We never found out. But that experience made me consider the possibility of having my very own male strip club. I pictured a scenario where “the talent” and I would become a quirky family, like in the movies The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas or Boogie Nights. With less prostitution and porn, but much more sexy Burt Reynolds. Now that I’m the mother of three, that dream can (most likely) only live in my brain. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking up excellent names for my fictional strip club. Here are my current top 5:
1. The Man Shack on Manchaca – This only makes sense if you live in Austin and are aware that we have a street called ‘Manchaca’ that is pronounced ‘Man-shack’ and then it’s perfect! I’d have to find a space on Manchaca Rd., but it’s a pretty long thoroughfare, so it’s not impossible. I think the word ‘shack’ implies a casual and unpretentious atmosphere.
2. HQ 450 – If you are a librarian, you might recognize this as the the Library of Congress call number for the erotica section. My fictional male strip club is full of naughty librarians! I also love that it begins with HQ, as it’s like the headquarters for erotica. Sexy!
3. Penis Las Vegas – My friend’s daughters misheard things when the Elvis impersonator we saw sang Viva Las Vegas, which is hilarious in itself, but also fortuitous for me because how awesome a strip club name is it?!? How could you not have fun at Penis Las Vegas? It would be impossible. I’m picturing lots of neon lights and a stage area that is referred to as ‘The Strip’.
4. Coq au Vin – I picture this as a fancy wine bar where the wait staff wears banana hammocks and bow-ties and does dance numbers every hour. Upscale, because as La Bare has taught us, French = Classy.
5. EASY D – Who would have thought that anything Donald Trump tweeted would inspire me in any way? Not I. Nobody really knows what he meant by EASY D in his tweet, but if he was thinking it’s a great name for a male strip club, he is totally right! This place would be laid back and serve frozen beverages and pigs in a blanket, with a side of sexy menz!
That’s all I’ve got for now, but I have a feeling I will think of more. I’ll keep you posted!