Hey single moms, let’s do this! We’re all gonna get back out there and get some hot dates for the holidays. Why not? Life is short! Get ready to scoop up some top notch fellows with these amazing lines.
Note: I haven’t tested any of these, so I cannot guarantee their effectiveness.
1. Do not send me a dick pic! OK, so this is more of a warning than a pick-up line, but I said the word “dick” so 87% of men will register it as a pick-up line. Seriously, men, do not text a single mom a picture of your penis. Our children sometimes use our phones. We do not want them ogling random peni. And nobody really wants to see a photo of your penis, anyway. Unless it’s wearing a glasses or a jaunty hat, but even then e-mail it, don’t text! I’d probably still never want to see it in person, but I’d appreciate the whimsy.
2. Wanna see my C-section scar? Too bold? Possibly. Also, to be honest, I’m never showing anyone my C-section scar. I like the audacity of saying it, but it just seems weird and mood-killing in practice. My mouth would be writing a check that my brain and body did not intend to cash. I’m going to put this one in my back pocket. I will never take it out.
3. I’m not gonna pop a melatonin until after 9:30 if you wanna hang out. Now this one is more my speed. Just vague enough that there’s possibility, but I’ve made no promises. Except for the promise to myself of a good night’s sleep.
4. Do you like muffins? How about muffin tops? Oh that one is gold! Definitely going to use it.
5. Get in the van! There’s lots of room in my van and I think the seats may recline. And it’s got a dvd player! It’s practically a Holiday Inn Express on wheels. Sexy, amirite? Should I throw in something along the lines of “If the van’s a rockin’, don’t come knockin’” or is that excessive? I’m all about subtlety.
6. I just opened a box of wine…. Yep. Enough said.