Category Archives: New Year

2018 Year In Review

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before?

This sounds so lame, but 2018 was the first year that I got up early, took an exercise class, showered and got ready for work at the gym. Seriously, I had to talk myself off a ledge the night before: “If you don’t like it, Christianne, YOU NEVER HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN. No one will be staring at you or thinking you’re weird. They will be focused on themselves. GET YOUR HEAD RIGHT.”

It turns out, I loved it and felt energized all day. Don’t get me wrong – this is not going to become a 7-day-a-week thing. I heart sleep.

But it could be a once-a-week thing.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I rarely make resolutions. Instead I set goals. (Honestly, I’m not sure how these are different.) But in 2018 my husband Sterling and I made vision boards and hung them in our bedroom. Among other things, I had a 4Runner, a corner office and a dollar figure on my salary. THEY HAPPENED.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My friend Alison had her daughter in March, and I got to meet her in November. She’s a little doll!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, but our beloved cat Batman almost did. Our dog Silver hurt his leg somehow and we were initially worried that he had a degenerative knee issue. Corner Vet prescribed some medicine for the dog but failed to mention that it’s highly toxic in large doses. Because cats are so much smaller than dogs, it’s much worse for them. Batman jumped on the counter when I was feeding Silver and ate half of a dose. My back was turned for less than a minute. I immediately swatted the medicine from his mouth, but the damage was done. Two days later, he was near kidney failure and in kitty ICU. I will never forget standing outside of a Starbucks where I had settled in to wait and work on my laptop after dropping him off, the vet’s voice on the phone, telling me how high the kidney values were. It was bad. It was catastrophic.

“Are you telling me that my cat might not live?” I managed to sob. I could tell the answer was probably yes, but he didn’t want to say it.

I got in the 4Runner and called my husband, describing in more sobbing, hitching breaths what had happened. The worst part was that I had messed up by leaving the medicine on the counter. “I killed him,” I wailed. He told me it wasn’t my fault, that it was just a mistake, that Batman would be okay. But my heart was absolutely breaking.

Batman spent four days in ICU. We didn’t ask what it would cost to save him. We just asked the vets to do everything in their power to try.

He made it. In fact, his last diagnosis had him almost back to normal, so much that I heard incredulity in the vet’s voice.

5. What countries did you visit?

I didn’t leave the USA this year, but I went basically everywhere else!

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

My life and my heart are full! I am so grateful and lucky that I have everything I want and need, but if I have to choose something, I want more quality friends like Gigi and Madame V. I am working on this (see below!) and making progress, so I have high hopes for 2019.

7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory?

November 6: the Blue Wave that ushered in a historical House of Representatives victory. And even though Beto lost, he inspired so many. I think he’s going places. Maybe even the White House.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Professionally: I got a promotion, a raise and a new corner office (hello vision board!) and hired my first employee. I manage a team of just one, but I’m so grateful that she not only loves her job and loves working for me, but tells me these things. Sterling always said I would be a great manager, and I hope every day I’m proving him right.

Personally, I made big strides in my relationship with my brother Jerry. Last year, same question, here was a part of my answer:

I had a falling out and difficult time with my brother. Life hasn’t been easy for either of us, but standing my ground and knowing I handled the situation well was a good lesson. Talking to my therapist about this (hi Kathaleen!) and hearing her words of wisdom and comfort was like wrapping myself in a warm blanket of love and reassurance. She told me that I deserve my good life, and I’ve worked hard for it. They were words I didn’t realize I needed so badly to hear.

Jerry and I didn’t talk much throughout 2018. He did his thing, and I did mine. In October, I was visiting my parents when my mom told me he was moving to Chicago. Because he has a dog, he would be driving instead of flying. Offhandedly, I said, “Road tripping isn’t really his thing; it’s more mine. I wonder if he wants help driving.” She beamed at me: “He would love that.” I rolled my eyes, thinking, “He most certainly would not.”

Regardless, I texted him and offered to help. He wrote back so quickly I saw the tiny dots that indicate someone is typing an immediate response. “That would be awesome and it’s so kind of you to offer.”

A month later, we had made the arrangements and the trip was upon us: 16 hours from Houston, starting Friday afternoon at 5 p.m. The goal was to reach Chicago by dinner Saturday night, and then I would fly home Sunday afternoon at 4 p.m. I had scheduled a ton of trips (see below) so I couldn’t take any extra days off work.

Jerry pulled up in a rented Ford Expedition with all his earthly possessions, including the dog. In the driveway, he said to my husband, “Thanks for letting me borrow her.”

Friday night we stayed in a Motel 6 in Marshall Texas. It was so fancy that I was surprised there was hot water in my room. I also found leftover Subway sandwiches in the refrigerator (mini bar?). Saturday morning at 6 a.m., we were back on the road trading 3-hour shifts of driving.

We rolled triumphantly into Chicago proper at 7:30 p.m. Saturday night, after 17 hours of music, Google maps, Starbucks, jokes, FaceTime with our parents, Spotify, podcasts, talks about why Chicago, our jobs, dating, trips down memory lane, facts about Texas, Arkansas, Missouri and Illinois’s state flowers, insects, and more.

Sunday afternoon we brunched and parted ways after sending a selfie and a few texts to my mother, who said we made her “heart sing.” Days later, Jerry told me that the trip was almost as cathartic as the move itself, my friends and my husband told me I was one of the strongest people I knew, and I realized they were right.

9. What was your biggest failure?

This is the same answer as 2017: Not being kind enough to myself. I kept a pretty accurate tally of every time I fell short, drank too much, ate the wrong thing, said something stupid to my husband, my boss or my friends.

Being mature about college football.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I took a spill in A-Bay on our spring trip and hyperextended my knee. I heard the pop, felt some pain as I navigated the rest of the double black run (!) and thought I had torn my ACL. I ignored it, hoped for the best, but Sterling convinced me I needed to see a doctor. Reluctantly, terrified of bad news, I went in August. The doctor examined me, made a face and said, “I think it’s your ACL, but let’s do an MRI before we jump to conclusions.” I was kicking myself for the second time in 2018 – first I had screwed up with the cat, and now I had potentially wrecked my knee without time to fix it before ski season began in December.

The MRI showed a partial tear of the ACL, and my heart dropped in my chest. I asked a bazillion questions and received answers I didn’t like.

“Well of course you’ll need to brace your knee when you ski.”

“For how long?”

“Well, forever.”

Heartbroken? Um, yeah.

My hubby came through yet again with a recommendation from a friend in med school for a second opinion. The day of my appointment, I thought that I’d go in with a positive attitude, but be realistic. There was no way this would be a completely different diagnosis. Perhaps less severe than the reconstructive surgery with a 6-month recovery time the first doctor said I required, but still something had to be wrong. Right?

I practically held my breath as the doctor examined me, pushing my leg this way and that. He looked at my MRI. Finally, he looked at me. “I push and pull on torn ACLs all day long. That’s not what’s wrong with you. In fact, I’d tell you to ski tomorrow.”

I returned his gaze and said, “Would it be really awkward if I hugged you right now?”

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My 4Runner! He is so badass. I needed a weather vehicle for Princess Eleanor Rose, and my husband came in clutch with the research, negotiation for a fair price, and most importantly, all the mods to make FinnRunner look like a badass.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Same place as last year and the year before that: going out to eat, drink and on vacations during which we ate, drank, skied, boarded, drove and generally had a blast. No regrets, three years running.

13. What did you get really excited about?

Our vacations. We scored the companion pass on Southwest, so we went EVERYWHERE.

January: ski trip to Breckenridge with my parents, aunt, cousin and friends. We met up with a customer of Sterling’s and dragged him back to the house for dinner. Heather and Erik came to the house one night and we had cake for Sterling’s birthday. Joe joined us and crash landed into my dad on the slopes, but they were both okay and we laughed about it later.

February: annual anniversary ski trip to A-Bay, which is always like coming home. In late February, we went on the Race Armada rally to Golden Nugget, each driving our own car! This was very super awesome for the control freak in both of us, but not so awesome for conversation on the trip.

March: our final spring ski trip of the season, where Sterling’s colleague joined us and egged us on into trying a double black diamond. That turned into #10 – see above. Sterling intelligently said no. Despite the snafu, we had a blast. That’s what happens when you’re home.

May: we did a quick trip into Denver for Heather’s 40th surprise birthday party. I reconnected with her parents, whom I hadn’t seen in 30 years. Her ailing father even remembered our secret code word and made sure to say it to me. Memorial Day weekend we went to Scottsdale, mountain biked in the desert and generally partied like college kids.

June: I tagged along on Sterling’s work trip down to a resort in Galveston. We rode bikes and had too many cocktails in the pool.

2018 was strangely the year of Chicago – after never visiting there before, I went on a business trip there in June, returned in July and helped my brother move there in November. July’s trip involved meeting our friend Joe there and spending three glorious days eating, drinking and walking the city. Blue skies, sun, comedy shows, rooftop views, and much laughter.

August: we met up with Joe, Madame V and Gigi for a quick weekend. Cue the food, drinks, laughter and fun.

For Labor Day weekend in September, Sterling and I took a tour of California, starting with San Francisco on Friday night. After dinner and drinks with friends, we headed south on Saturday morning to Los Angeles. We stayed at the Dream Hotel for a night, then got on the road Sunday morning for San Diego. Sunday evening we had a delightful dinner with our friend Denise, and returned home Monday.

In October, we met Joe again in Dallas for the Texas-OU matchup and a win for the Longhorns! Then my crazy schedule really kicked in. Two weeks later, we took Princess Eleanor Rose on her second car rally to the Golden Nugget in Lake Charles. My friend Heather came to visit and we road-tripped to Austin for two days. A week later, we were en route to Vegas (my third home, after A Bay) to rally from there to LA, Monterrey and back. After arriving home on Tuesday, it was off to Chicago three days later. The following Saturday, I spent 24 hours with my dear friend Ali, her doll baby and baby daddy. I treasure our memories of takeout, Hallmark movies and watching the Longhorns on my iPad.

For Thanksgiving, we road tripped back to Austin for dinner with my parents. My sweet mother made me strawberry rhubarb pie. SHE IS THE BEST.

Outside of all that vacation, the other standout for excitement is I made new friendships. I found some special ladies who are strong, progressive, independent, and love sharing a mimosa and/or an enchilada with me.

14. What song will always remind you of 2018?

This just came out, so It’s a bit late, but the lyrics totally describe car rallies: “Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time” by Panic! At The Disco.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? I think I’m a little sadder. Trump’s presidency is wearing on me.

– thinner or fatter? I am just about the same. However, I hate this question.

– richer or poorer? Richer

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Writing. I love it. I think I’m good at it, but I just have trouble making time to do it. I had a plan at one point to go write on Saturday mornings after my workout class, but it happened a grand total of twice until life got in the way.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Beat myself up for not being perfect or “good.” This is obviously a recurring theme

18. How did you spend Christmas/Hanukkah/Major Holiday of your choice?

On Christmas Day, we flew to Denver and went up to A Bay for three days. I call this a bonus trip since we didn’t plan it, and one of the main goals was to test my knee. It passed with flying colors.

19. What were your favorite TV programs?

Queer Eye, Very Cavalleri, This is Us, Are you the One?, 911, Suits, Younger, Botched, (rewatching One Tree Hill).

20. What were your favorite books you read this year?

The books I gave five stars on Goodreads are: Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn, The Good Goodbye by Carla Buckley, and Sacred by Dennis Lehane.

21. What was your favorite music you heard this year?

I am totally digging Zayde Wolf and Panic! At The Disco right now. I went to a Blue October show in November and was absolutely enthralled. Sterling and I ask Siri to play Imagine Dragons radio nearly every day.

22. What were your favorite films you saw this year?

I hardly ever watch movies! I’m usually reading or watching TV when I have free time at home, on a plane or at the gym. I saw Crazy Rich Asians, Sorry To Bother You, I, Tonya, RBG and A Simple Favor. They were all good! (A Simple Favor was somehow better than the book! I think big credit is due to the screenplay writer as well as Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively for their amazing acting.)

23, What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

My husband and I celebrated my 41st the Saturday prior to my Tuesday birthday per my request. Our day began at Tenenbaum Jewelers, where I brought in a ring my grandmother left me when she died. I haven’t ever worn it, and it’s been 30 years. So now it’s being coated with a silver finish and made into a pendant. From there, we went to St. Bernard’s, where we drank free champagne and beer, and purchased new ski trip items. After St. Bernard’s, we wandered around River Oaks District, window shopping and sipping. We finished the night with a wonderful dinner with our friends Alex and Mark, including a delectable risotto.

There was a lot of prosecco.

I don’t regret a moment.

On Tuesday, I came home to flowers, champagne and a new lounge hoodie. My husband is always surprising me in the most wonderful ways.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

My husband struggled a bit with being fulfilled in his job, with his colleagues and friends, mainly due to the Trump presidency. His happiness is mine, and it’s important. I hope this gets better in 2019.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

I’m going with the same answer as 2017: Classy and hip for work. Refusing to act my age, sexy and fierce when going out.

26. What kept you sane?

I apologize for the boring answer. As always: my husband. My partner, friend, confidant, therapist and love.

27. Share a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.

Hard work plus patience pays off. I passed the 6-year milestone at my job in September. It’s the longest time I’ve ever worked anywhere in my entire life, whether marketing or law. All the good things that happened this year — my promotion, raise, new boss — made me feel like perhaps I’d found my home.

I continue to be most deeply grateful for my family. I chose not to have human children, but that doesn’t lessen or cheapen how much I love my family. My husband, my parents, my brother, my furkids, and my friends are my life. And that is a pretty damn good one.

 

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2018 Wrap Up

 

Wow, is it really that time of year again? It’s time to wrap up the year with these questions found on a blog called All & Sundry long ago and tweaked a bit. I recommend thinking about these questions yourself. Here’s my 2018 review:

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before? One of the more interesting things I did was go to an event with the “Singing Bowl Lady” who plays large bowl instruments that make a unique vibrational sound while you lay there and meditate or just relax.  It was cool.  Calming and peaceful.  I was hoping I’d have some big revelation while I was in a meditative state, and while that didn’t happen I did feel pretty relaxed and happy.  I’d like to try it again.
I FINALLY  saw the Amazing Acro-Cats perform,  which has been an unfulfilled dream of mine for a while.  Lucky for me, I have been dating someone who will join right in with any weird shit I want to do.  That show was even more awesome than I expected! A pure delight in every way.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  I committed to doing more “maintenance” type things and I was pretty good about that.  I went to the dentist after a 7 year hiatus and got a LOT of much needed dental work done. I even went to the doctor at some point.  I slacked off a bit at the end on those issues, but I did much better than I have been doing, so let’s consider that a win.

I also got an ongoing plumbing problem in my house fixed, even though I did not want to spend the money and preferred to continue doing work-arounds forever.  Plus I got a new dishwasher to replace the one I had with a door that kept falling off and leaking and not really cleaning dishes.  And I finally replaced my old minivan, which was having all sorts of exciting issues.  I spent way more money than is comfortable for me, maintaining and replacing things this year.  It was necessary, but boy was it rough.

I think for 2019 I need to make more resolutions that help me to take better care of myself, because I am fucking exhausted all the time.  I should know how to do this by now, but the past few months have left me drained. I need to do better in this area.

And I will see more movies. That is my favorite resolution and one I aim to keep.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?   No

4. Did anyone close to you die?   No, but losing Burt Reynolds was a heart breaker.  RIP Bandit.

5. What countries did you visit?  I’m planning to end this year and begin next year in Mexico with my special somebody. It’s the first time I’ve left the good ol’ USA in many, many years and I’m really looking forward to it.

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?   It’s hard to describe.  I feel like I have been holding things together and trying to make them work for a while and I am just kind of tired and discouraged.  

The world is in crazy chaos and the shitstorm seems to have no end.  That has taken a toll. And a light has been shined on the way men and women interact and the revelations haven’t been pretty.  And wow, it’s been exhausting to continually have this shit mansplained to me by men who don’t enjoy having to look at their own actions and think outside their own needs and desires.  It comes down to caring whether the other person in your interaction is enjoying the interaction and wants it to continue.  How is it that so many (mostly male) people don’t even think about that? Or don’t care?  It’s mind boggling.  And it’s made 2018 rough.

And I am always worried about money and about the future for me and for my kids. I know intellectually that it takes a while to recover financially from a divorce, particularly when you hadn’t planned on it and didn’t make arrangements to prepare yourself for that type of future.  I did sporadic part-time and freelance work when I was married, so that I could be there for my kids and my husband could travel for his work, but that put my career on the back burner.  It wasn’t a great idea for someone who was not going to be partnered for the long term, but I made the best decisions I could with the info I had at the time.  And three years post-divorce and in the full time working world I’m still very much affected by it.  I feel like I am way behind.  Working as a single parent puts constraints on me that I didn’t have when I was not a parent, which makes it more challenging to move forward. And it is also more stressful because I have three people who count on me and no safety net. So I guess I would have like to have more financial stability and less insecurity in that regard.  I’m working towards it, but it is slow going.

7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory?  Days when I’ve participated in races are always special to me.  This year the only ones I did were the Capital 10K and the Turkey Trot.  I felt so happy and renewed after both.  So I know I need to make sure running races is a part of next year.

And I had some great times with my favorite people.  A girls weekend in the Hill Country in January.  Watching the Oscars and other awards shows with my Forever Oscar Date.  Exploring Memphis with my guy.  Taking my kids to visit our Florida family for the 4th of July and watching fireworks on the beach.  Laughing so hard my face and stomach hurt in Dallas with Shakira and Madame V. Walking around beautiful New Orleans in October with one of my dearest friends from way back in high school and eating ALL the food.  And a sweet anniversary dinner in a revolving restaurant overlooking the nighttime lights of Houston.  Lots and lots of good memories this year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?   I made good progress in letting go of some painful baggage from the past that had been weighing me down for a very long time.  I feel stronger than I have in a while.

9. What was your biggest failure?  Ugh, this one is hard, not because there was one big failure, but it’s more like I don’t feel like I’m really succeeding in most aspects of my life.  I know it is better to look at it as “In comparison to myself three years ago, I’m kicking butt!” but in reality it feels to me like I’m not where I’d hoped to be.  I guess I need to revisit this in 2019.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had a running related hip injury that plagued me for a while last year.  I am so happy that it’s mostly healed now and I am getting back to running regularly.  And, as previously mentioned, I had a ton of dental work that I’d avoided for many years. That also sucked, but my dentist is great and should probably name his new boat after me.

11. What was the best thing you bought?  The biggest and best one was my new car.  It’s had a huge effect on me, which I didn’t expect.  I LOVE that car.  It is easy to drive, fuel efficient and really easy to park…which I didn’t even realize was an issue that held me back when I drove the giant hippo-esque minivan.  I especially love that it is purple.  I never truly realized how driving a vaguely colored minivan with a big dent in the side was like driving a giant indicator of my low self esteem.  But a hideous two ton burden has been removed from my life! I was really anxious about making such a big purchase, but I am very glad I did.

The other excellent purchase I made was my new running shoes.  I did not want to spend the extra money on them, but my hip was killing me and I did research that indicated that I was running in the wrong type of shoes and this was part of the reason my injury was not healing.  So I decided to take the gamble to see if better shoes could help.  And luckily they did!  My hip feels almost healed. These shoes have made running good again, which is more than worth it.

12. Where did most of your money go?  Mostly toward childcare, particularly in the summer and to the supermarket, as always.  I also put a lot of money down on my car to secure a lower payment for myself.  And the aforementioned tons of dental work.  I also dropped my phone in the tub, necessitating the purchase of a new one.  Ugh.

13. What did you get really excited about?  See #11 about my beloved car.  I’ve had it for 6 months and I’m still thrilled about it.

14. What song will always remind you of 2018?  It’s probably that Drake song about Kiki, because it was so weird and my goofy kids were very into it this summer.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder?  Unfortunately, I’m a little sadder right now.

– thinner or fatter? Oh damn, I am also a little fatter than last year.  I did less running and exercise because of my hip injury, but I totally ate and drank my feelings.

– richer or poorer? I’m a little poorer, too.

Not a stellar end to the year, but I guess it makes sense that I’m a little sadder.  There is room for improvement

16. What do you wish you’d done more of? Restorative things.  Exercise.  Getting more sleep.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying incessantly. Agreeing to things that drain me because they will make someone else happy.  Running in the wrong shoes.

18. How did you spend Christmas/Hanukkah/Major Holiday of your choice? This was the first year I was away from my kids for Christmas, which was kind of hard, but still ok.  I put my dog in a Santa suit.  I ran 5 miles on Christmas Eve and then visited with a dear friend in the afternoon.  Then I spent the rest of the holiday with my boyfriend and his daughters. It was nice and chill.  We made good food and decorated cupcakes.  Drank wine and watched A Christmas Story.  Watched the kids play on their new scooters.  A good time.

19. What were your favorite TV programs?  I loved the second season of GLOW and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.  I’ve also watched a lot of Superstore, which is hilarious and makes me laugh out loud.  A rarity.  Plus my friend plays a crazy character on that show and I’m happy every time I see her on screen.

20. What were your favorite books you read this year? I haven’t read as much this year as I usually do.  I read and enjoyed a YA book  called Out of the Easy by Ruta Sepetys.  And I really liked the book Less by Andrew Sean Greer.

21. What was your favorite music you heard this year? I had fun listening to a lot of cheesy piano bar music.

22. What were your favorite films you saw this year? I didn’t go to the movies as much as I would have liked, which is why it’s a resolution for 2019.  MORE MOVIES.  In 2018, I liked A Star is Born and the mystery one with Blake Lively (A Simple Favor?) was fun.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? My birthday was mostly good.  A little bittersweet.  I turned 47, which is the age that my dad lived to.  I feel so old.  But I got lots and lots of birthday wishes from friends, which is always really nice. My boyfriend was extra sweet to me and sent me  beautiful flowers and took me to a fancy lunch.  I went to the “singing bowl” thing with a couple of good friends that evening and that was relaxing and different from anything I’d done before.  And I went to bed pretty early afterwards and got a good night’s sleep, which means so much more to me these days. So all in all, it was good.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A different outcome for the Kavanaugh hearings would have made a big difference in my outlook. It’s another disheartening shit sandwich to add to the pile along with the Beto loss to the Zodiac Killer.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
Librarian up to no good. Always and forever.

26. What kept you sane?
Who says I’m sane? Hehehe.  Running seems to keeps me sane.  As sane as I get, anyway.

27. Share a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.  I am stronger when I’m not holding on to old baggage from the past.  And I need to consistently stand up for myself, because nobody else is going to do it for me.

Ok, that’s all I’ve got! Let’s see what 2019 has to bring. Happy New Year to all!

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Resolution

I have a problem with maintenance. I’m working on it. I told this to my therapist last week and she nodded sagely. She often nods sagely and I love that about her. She is proof that I’m working on my problem with maintenance. I guess ‘maintenance’ isn’t quite the right term. Or maybe it’s that not doing maintenance is the manifestation of my real fear which is a fear of *knowing*. If you don’t check under the hood, if you don’t get the test, if you don’t look too carefully, if you don’t ask the right question…then you don’t really have to know. At least for a while. Until it blows up in your face. Which it inevitably does. You know those moments you have before you learn something that shatters you? I think about those moments in my life. They were mundane. They wouldn’t have been memorable except for what came afterwards. In 1988, in my friend’s car after a night of playing Nintendo and swimming in her sister’s pool. Pulling up to my house and laughing our goodbyes before realizing there was an ambulance in my driveway. In 1999, a phone conversation with my beloved grandfather that ended with a promise to see me soon and an “I love you, stop worrying about me.” In 2000, watching my husband walk out the door with a basketball and an “Eat dinner without me, I’ll be home in a couple of hours.” Again in 2000, a fucking devastating year I still haven’t recovered from, at a Halloween party where a man I’d briefly dated was being friendly to me instead of the usual hostility he’d shown since I’d told him I didn’t want to date him, and I was stupidly relieved and happy to accept the drink he handed me. I didn’t think I’d ever be so blissfully ignorant again. My problems with maintenance were intensified after that. I couldn’t relax, I always felt unsafe and unmoored. If I heard a rattle in the car, I turned up the radio. If there was a problem in my apartment, I moved. I had eight addresses in four years. I became petrified of going to the doctor or dentist, because what if there was a problem I couldn’t handle? When all the worst things keep happening, how can you trust that the sky isn’t about to fall on you every time you leave the house? How can you risk hearing somebody tell you that things are even worse than you feared? What if you just can’t handle ANYTHING ELSE? Better to ignore any issues, because sometimes issues just go away! After four years of living by that sensible philosophy and leaving behind some very confused boyfriends, I met someone with whom I didn’t feel alone. That was new for me. I got married again and had my sons. Weirdly, that started to steady me. It doesn’t work that way for everyone, I know. Kids aren’t exactly a calming force, but somehow, they grounded me. I still wasn’t thrilled about maintenance, but I went to the doctor. I got my car fixed. It’s best have to have a working body and car with kids. It’s good to take your kids to the doctor, too. So I did. I sunk into it for a while. I don’t know if I ever got comfortable. And yet…it hit me like a goddamn truck when the blissful ignorance of my marriage was shattered in an artfully decorated hotel room in Manhattan with a view of big wet snowflakes in the air and ballet dancers practicing in the building across from us. I left the room an hour later to walk alone in that beautiful city in the falling snow, knowing that the life I had before was over forever and I would have to do something and tell someone and ask someone to help me, but all I could do was walk for a while and feel the snow and remember that I was still breathing and my heart was still beating. It’s important to know those things. Sometimes you don’t need to know anything else. So. That was almost three years ago. Maintenance has been difficult for me again in those years. I haven’t been to the dentist in forever, I ignore my doctor at all costs, I have a plumbing problem in my shower and a toilet that needs you to lift the lid in order to stop it from running. Also my car is ten years old and has a lot of hazard lights that are always illuminated on the dash. I ignored grindy brake sounds until I needed to get a complete new set of brakes. A ridiculously expensive consequence, yet it still didn’t cure me of the maintenance problem. But this year is the year. I told my therapist (and therapy is totally maintenance, so I’m not a total failure in this regard) and now I’m telling you. My 2018 resolution is to get check-ups and get things fixed. To ask the questions and find out what I need to know to solve the problems. To know that I am strong enough to handle the answers and resourceful enough to find the solutions. I’ve got this.

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2017 Year in Review

 1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? Mountain biking. I’m learning how to maneuver the bike on the trails. It’s challenging and fun. Each time I successfully navigate an incline or jump the bike over a root, I count it as a tiny but real victory.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I always struggle with this question, because I don’t really make resolutions, but I do come up with goals. I’m embarrassed to admit this is the first time I’ve looked them in months. Number 11 was on there, but otherwise I missed the mark a bit. I will re-set and re-focus in 2018.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope. But I have two really good friends who are due in early 2018 – Alison and MaryAnn.

4. Did anyone close to you die? 
Nope. (Thank goodness.)

5. What countries did you visit? I went to Canada for our family ski trip to Whistler in January.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? Okay, last year’s answer to this one came true, so I’m rolling the dice and trying again: now that I have Princess Eleanor, I need a badass weather vehicle (Hurricane Harvey, I’m looking at you). I’m a big stalker of high-priced items before I’m willing to pull the trigger, and I’ve been eyeing a 4Runner for a while now. In 2018, I am GETTING ONE.

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory? January 20 (Inauguration Day), December 16-18 (my birthday weekend

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I don’t think there was one big achievement, but there were so many small but groovy things that made me proud. I got an enormous raise in April, but that was largely due to my hustling hard in 2016. (Still, shout out to me!)

I got out of my comfort zone a little bit in 2017: mountain biking, hitting up DanceHouse Fitness nearly every Saturday or Sunday morning and a couple of weeknights starting in late May, and I took a writing class in June and July, which was another Saturday morning commitment. I wrote a story per class assignment/instruction and I received really great feedback, even from the class instructor.

I worked out (read: mountain biking, DanceHouse and super regular booooring gym visits) and owned it, like a boss. I even earned (?) the nickname Boss Lady from one of my favorite people at the gym.

I maintained my Happy Girl Instagram, posting each day something (or things) that made me happy. With 328 posts, I am about a month short of one year strong.

I had a falling out and difficult time with my brother. Life hasn’t been easy for either of us, but standing my ground and knowing I handled the situation well was a good lesson. Talking to my therapist about this (hi Kathaleen!) and hearing her words of wisdom and comfort was like wrapping myself in a warm blanket of love and reassurance. She told me that I deserve my good life, and I’ve worked hard for it. They were words I didn’t realize I needed so badly to hear.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not being kind enough to myself. Instead of celebrating all those things I wrote in the answer to #8, I kept a pretty accurate tally of every time I fell short, drank too much, ate the wrong thing, said something stupid to my husband, my boss or my friends.

Being mature about college football.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, aside from a couple of mild colds, I have been very healthy.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My car, without a doubt. She is gorgeous, sounds amazing and is an absolute joy to drive.

12. Where did most of your money go? Same place as last year – going out to eat, drink and on vacations during which we ate, drank, skied, boarded, drove and generally had a blast. No regrets.

13. What did you get really excited about? EVERYTHING. Our vacations. We went to all the places. Had all the fun. Purchasing my car. The Astros win!

In January, we went to Whistler. We took the train from Seattle to Vancouver and it was a wonderful experience. The route winds along the coast, and from the window, we could see people and dogs walking and running along the water. They would look up and wave to us.

In February, we went to A-Basin (per usual MO) and skied several days for our anniversary celebration. The night before we left, we did our anniversary tradition of donning our wedding finery and going out to dinner. We went to Caracol for dinner, which was outstanding, and it was at that dinner that Sterling successfully talked me into buying Princess Eleanor Rose.

In April, we returned to A-Basin for our spring trip. Heather and Erik came to hang out with us one afternoon, and brought their new puppy. Neither of them were skiing or boarding, but Sterling and I would take laps in between hanging out with them. On one of our laps, we danced together, carving turns and weaving a path together down the mountain. It was glorious. We got to the bottom, I popped my skis off and jumped on his back. We rolled around in the snow together, laughing until our sides ached. It was the perfect storm of my favorite thing (skiing) and my favorite person (my husband) melded together. What a happy day.

My dear friends Gigi and Madame V came to visit for a weekend in April as well. We drank too much and laughed a lot. I feel so lucky to have those strong, fabulous women in my life and by my side.

Our annual Halloween tradition with Heather and Erik turned five this year. We pulled off a 24-hour vacation, flying into Denver Saturday afternoon, and turning around to leave after a delightful Sunday brunch. We did a Guardians of the Galaxy costume, and I must say we rocked the house. As usual.

Sterling and I went on the Corsa Rally in November, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would I be nervous the whole time with all the speed? Would we make friends? We flew into Vegas, rented a Range Rover Sport, and drove to a new place each day: from Vegas to Los Angeles, from L.A. to Palm Springs, from Palm Springs back to Vegas. The camera guys’ car broke down, and we followed them to the shop to drop it off, and then they rode with us. It’s funny how strangers can become great friends in the matter of hours. I was actually surprised at how much fun I had, and had the worst vacation hangover in history after we came home.

In December, we returned to Vegas for the best birthday celebration …ever! (See #23)

14. What song will always remind you of 2017? Jason Aldean, “A Little More Summertime” – this song came out in 2016, but we listened to it practically on repeat all year. It’s the saddest but it is SO GOOD. And I like to turn the words around, because I need more wintertime. SNOW. SKI.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? Happier

– thinner or fatter? Refuse to answer

– richer or poorer? Richer

16. What do you wish you’d done more of? Vacation, have fun, party without worrying about the next day.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stress out and second guess myself. (I think this is the same answer as 2016.)

18. How did you spend Christmas/Hanukkah/Major Holiday of your choice? Sterling and I went to Austin to see my parents. My stepsister and her family joined us from Georgia. It was a four-day episode of gluttony and hilarity. Saturday afternoon we ate barbecue (yours truly had a salad with fake chicken, some creamed corn and potato salad), Sunday OMG Torchy’s, Christmas morning was all about the buttermilk pancakes and mimosas. My brother in law brought me a Trump voodoo doll from NOLA, and we put that guy in many harrowing experiences over the weekend: in the fireplace, the burner on the stove, under a truck tire and in the manger. We played a card game called Dumbass on Christmas night. I’m not sure any of us know exactly how to play it correctly, but isn’t that the point?

I’m paying for all the food and drink indulgence, but oh my! – it was worth it.

19. What were your favorite TV programs? Throwback: I’m re-watching Felicity. Designated Survivor, Younger, This is Us.

20. What were your favorite books you read this year? The books I gave five stars on Goodreads are: The Girl on the Train, First Comes Love (this is another throwback – I had already read this and own it (in fact it’s autographed!), but I wanted to read it again after Gigi reminded me how good it was), and Small Great Things. Lordy, if you read one book, read this one!

21. What was your favorite music you heard this year? Bastille, Imagine Dragons, Fall Out Boy, Sir Sly, Portugal the Man

22. What were your favorite films you saw this year? I’m so bad at seeing movies. Wonder Woman, Star Wars, Office Christmas Party. (Basically I saw five movies and most of them were good.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I hit the big 4-0 this year, and I wanted to do it big. (Thirty SUCKED, and I’m big on dates/milestones.) My birthday fell on a Monday, so Saturday morning, Sterling and I took a 7 a.m. flight to Vegas. We met our friends William, Raymond and Beth there, and did the LAVO Party Brunch in the Palazzo. It was amazing – like nothing I’d ever seen. DJ music, wait staff dressed in Star Wars costumes (theme of the day), people dancing on tables, gigantic bowls of booze. It was exactly what I wanted for my birthday.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If Donald Trump were no longer president. If Republican members of Congress would hold him and his administration accountable. If any of those members of Congress would listen to their constituents instead of their donors. It’s a simple concept to me: just do the right thing.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
I’m going with the same answer as 2016: Classy and hip for work. Refusing to act my age, sexy and fierce when going out.

26. What kept you sane? Same as last year for the most part – my husband. My partner, friend, confidant, therapist and love.

Also, I instituted a rule that we don’t talk about politics (for me, that means don’t open Twitter because that’s my most “newsy” and political social media) after 6:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. And all weekend. I …just can’t with this ridiculousness.

27. Share a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. Similar to last year, I was struck by how we, as a nation, haven’t come as far as I had previously thought. I finished reading Small Great Things and resolved to do what author Jodi Picoult advised: call out your friends, colleagues, family, when they say something racist. I promise you, it’s awkward and you will get a sputtering, defensive pushback, but it’s more important than you realize. Just point out how that statement isn’t funny, instead of laughing along nervously and just going with it. I realized this what I used to do, and I resolve not to do it anymore.

Politically, it was a horrible fucking nightmare.

Personally, it was a pretty damn good year.

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2017 Wrap Up

I decided to answer some end of the year questions again, because why the hell not? Two weeks early, but I’ve been done with 2017 for a while, although this month did bring at least one pleasant surprise, so maybe it wasn’t a total shit sandwich.

Anyway, they’re still the same questions form last year, tweaked from a list found on the All & Sundry blog many years ago, because they were some good questions. So here’s my 2017. Time to think about yours, if you’re into that sort of thing. What did you do this year and what did you learn? What do you hope next year will bring?

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? I didn’t do too many new things this year, though I went on a long night time bike ride adventure with my friend and her hubby back in May. I’m not an experienced bike rider, so I found it kind of terrifying. I’m glad I did it. I’m not doing it again.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  

Last year’s were: I’m going to spend time with the people I adore.  I’m going to spend time alone. I’m going to write and work on things I love. I’m going to keep running regularly and participate in some races. I’m going to try not to say yes to things I don’t want out of a warped sense of obligation. I’m going to say yes to things that sound like fun to me, even if they scare me a little. I’m going to ask questions and seek answers. I’m going to say what I need to say.I’m going to keep working on building myself and my boys back up.

I’m happy to say that I did all those things. I think I’ll keep those. Still a work in progress.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. Though I did follow April the Giraffe’s labor for a while.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My aunt died in September. She was a lovely person and the last remaining member of my dad’s family. My siblings and I all went to our childhood hometown for her funeral and raised (and downed) a glass of Irish whiskey to her, as one must do to properly send off any good Irish woman.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just the USA again this year. I visited Florida, Massachusetts and New York, though. So at least I left Texas!

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?
Last year I said I wanted optimism and my faith in humanity restored in 2017 and neither of those things really happened. I’ve heard 2017 described as a “dumpster fire” by multiple people and I agree with that assessment. But there have been glimmers of hope. Come on 2018!

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory?
The year started off roughly, but the Women’s March on January 21 was uplifting and invigorating. November 5th felt like a particularly good day to me. I did the 10 mile Run for the Water in the morning, and felt strong the whole time, even though it was humid as hell. My sweet boys were at the finish line cheering for me and giving me happy hugs. Then I refueled with sausage, beer, chicken dancing and friends at Wurstfest. And I slept really well that night. I love good nights of sleep. So that day stands out as a good one. December 2nd was a pretty special day for me, too :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I was surprised by a really low and sad time that started in January and seemed to hang on for a way too long time. I think my biggest achievement this year was that I actually worked hard to get through it. My go-to for most of my life has been to hide from or run away from dark times. But I felt like I needed to face this one. It seemed like leftover grief from multiple things that I needed to work through. So I did. I wrote a lot of it down and went to therapy. I ran a lot, I spent time alone and time with my boys and my friends and I took a lot of walks. The fog started lifting in the summer and was a memory by October. That feels big to me. I feel stronger and better than I have in a long time.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I didn’t follow through with making doctor and dental appointments for myself. I took my kids, but not me. I know I have to do better with this. It’s a dumb fear and I let myself get away with not addressing it. I’m going to make myself do it next year. Probably.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A couple of stomach bugs, colds and weird rashes, but no big ones, luckily. Hence, nothing *forced* me to a doctor’s office.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought a really cute coat, in raspberry pink, my favorite color. And I got it on Thred Up so it was a steal.

12. Where did most of your money go?
My kids’ summer child care, plus Target and HEB. Oh…and some pricey car repairs on my 10 year old minivan. Blah.

13. What did you get really excited about? I was really excited about going to Houston with Madame V to visit Shakira and go see the “Guys We F*cked” podcast women, live and in person. It did not disappoint! We had the best time. I was also very excited about my Thanksgiving plans, which consisted of the Turkey Trot and chance to catch up while trotting with two dear friends, and later (post nap and brunch) a movie and FULL TURKEY DINNER at the Alamo Drafthouse with two other awesome single mom friends who were also child-free for the holiday. Then karaoke. Best Thanksgiving ever!

14. What song will always remind you of 2017?
Tom Petty’s Don’t Come Around Here No More. I know it’s from 1985. But with Tom Petty’s death this year I revisited it and played it often. My youngest son now loves it too. It is part of our current family soundtrack. And it totally fits my feeling about 2017 and much of what happened in it. I mean, see question 17. “Whatever you’re looking for… HEY! Don’t come around here no more.” Oh yes.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? Happier
– thinner or fatter? About the same
– richer or poorer? Same

16. What do you wish you’d done more of? Getting good nights of sleep. I worried too much and stayed up into the wee hours doing it on way too many nights. I also didn’t leave Austin from late April to mid September, so I think I need to get myself out of town more next year.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of? Dating men who treated me like a consolation prize or an afterthought and were otherwise consistently underwhelming. Two in 2017, plus one unGoogleable who I’m pretty sure is a sociopath. No more, thank you.

18. How did you spend Christmas/Hanukkah/Major Holiday of your choice? I’m writing this prior to Christmas, but I have plans to spend the holidays with my kids and family in (hopefully) sunny Florida.

19. What were your favorite TV programs? I loved Glow so much. 80s music, costumes and hair, Marc Maron, Lady wrestlers….it was everything I ever wanted in a tv show. Thank you Netflix.

20. What were your favorite books you read this year? We read a lot of good ones in my real book club (as opposed to the fake one where we just drink and eat things) – The Goldfinch, The Sisters Brothers and A Gentleman in Moscow were my absolute favorites.

21. What was your favorite music you heard this year? Ah man, I have kids, so the radio in my van is always playing pop songs from former Disney child stars or Bruno Mars. And not gonna lie…I love them. So that said, my favorites this year were Selena Gomez and Kyga’s It Ain’t Me and Demi Lovato’s Sorry Not Sorry, ’cause payback is a bad bitch and baby I’m the baddest.

22. What were your favorite films you saw this year?
Ladybird was perfection. See it!

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 46. Daaaaaaamn. It was a great day, despite that. I took the day off from work. Ran 10 miles, came home and got a special delivery of Bailey’s from Shakira. That girl knows me!  Also got a couple other surprise deliveries of treats, both fun and delicious.  Drank Irish coffee while watching multiple episodes of Love Boat on YouTube. Found an episode with Andy Warhol in it. That. Was. Nuts. Had pizza with my kids and some friends to round out the day. It was a very happy birthday.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having a man who freely admits to grabbing women by the pussy (and lest we forget, those are his actual recorded words) as president would have been nice. But I think the backlash helped inspire the woman’s march and later the outing of many lecherous shitbags who’ve been getting away with harassing and assaulting women for too long. And then there was #metoo. So maybe it’s been helpful in a weird way? It’s still deeply disheartening and unsatisfying. He’s the worst.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
Librarian up to no good. Always and forever.

26. What kept you sane?
Who says I’m sane? (I’ll never answer this one differently, either)

27. Share a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. Real change requires a lot of slogging through muck. There was a lot of muck for me and many others to go through in 2017. And a whole lot of slogging. Are ‘slogging’ and ‘muck’ actual things? Well, the muck felt oppressively real to me and the slogging seemed unbearably slow and difficult, often without much in the way of tangible results.  I do feel better off in a lot of ways than I did last year at this time. And much stronger.

Boom, baby! Let’s bring on 2018!

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End of the Year Questions – Part II (Shakira)

I read Gigi’s entry on this topic and decided I would give it a go. Partly because I love a countdown at the end of the year (I remember being glued to the TV to watching a countdown of music videos on MTV back when MTV actually played such things) and I also love a montage. Sitting down to think through my year is like a mashup of both. Also, who doesn’t love talking about themselves?

1. What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before?
I went on five ski trips in 2016 – between the two of them, I was able to ski the penultimate weekend in Arapahoe Basin (A-Bay to me and my buddies) in May, and then the second weekend A-Bay opened in October, meaning there was barely five months during between trips. How freaking amazing is that? Skiing in October also meant that I did something else I’d never done before – watch my beloved Longhorns play football between my laps around the mountain.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make New Year’s resolutions, but Sterling and I decided on financial, physical, professional, personal and relationship goals. I just looked back at the list and uhhhh…

I’m just gonna re-set the same goals for 2017. How’s that?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not in 2016, but my friend MaryAnn gave birth on Christmas Eve 2015, so that’s pretty close.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit?
I didn’t leave the U.S. in my travels this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?
Confidence. And a manual transmission Aston Martin Vantage V8.

7. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory?
November 8.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
One of the attorneys on our very small team left in April, and I had to do my job plus hers for several months. I am extremely proud of the way I handled it. I received multiple awards and shout-outs from colleagues over the course of the year, ranging from a formal plaque in my office, to a gigantic box of Godiva cookies, to emails and instant messages saying some version of “Thank you. You’re the best.” The best compliment by far might have been when my boss said: “We hit the jackpot with you.” (I almost fell out of my chair. And here’s hoping that’s reflected at review time in April.)

9. What was your biggest failure?
Sterling and I utterly failed at curbing our spending going out. However, see #12.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I took a spill one night at a bar while dancing. There may have been booze involved. I was also kind of making out with my husband so that’s still a win. My knee is a little wonky but it doesn’t impact skiing so I’m rolling with it. I also endured the annoyance of a colonoscopy because I learned that colon problems may run in my family. Clean bill of health, but I will have to get regular colonoscopies every five years. Wooo.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I’m going to cheat a little bit on this, and give two answers:

1 – Our house, purchased in November 2015. Even though it’s not 2016, it *almost* is. I had to include it because it’s hands-down the best thing I’ve ever purchased in my life. I also think it counts because Sterling and I spent most of the year saying to each other, “I love our house” and “I love where we live.”

2 – For something truly purchased in 2016, it’s the Garmin watch I gave Sterling for his birthday. We make it a practice not to give gifts on the standard occasions, instead getting a gift for the other when we feel like it. (This makes gifts an unexpected delight.) In this case, I knew he wanted this ridiculously expensive watch to add to his collection, so I bought it for him. I decided his birthday would be a good time to give it to him. This way I could tell everyone at his party that I am a cool wife. Kidding. Kind of.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Again, a little embarrassing, but true. Going out to eat and drink. Being DINKs (Dual Income, No Kids) means that you spend stupid money doing stupid things just because you can. But sometimes being stupid is really fun.

13. What did you get really excited about?
Every vacation, especially skiing. Aside from skiing in Angelfire and A-Bay, we went to Dallas on a Race Armada poker run, Boston for a wedding, Scottsdale for Friendiversary with Gigi and Madame V, San Antonio on a Race Armada rally, Austin for various visits/holidays and Tulsa for Christmas. (Okay, I admit, I was not that excited about Tulsa, but at least it was cold for a day and felt like Christmas. And I got a bottle of Bailey’s in the white elephant gift exchange. Winning.)

14. What song will always remind you of 2016?
See #21.

Also, “My House” by Flo Rida. I know what the song *really* means, but to me and Sterling, it means that all our friends are coming over to celebrate. We had a huge group over to the house for his birthday in January, and then we went to Clé. We walked outside and every person’s exotic/supercar was parked all over the neighborhood, including a Lambo hard-parked in the neighbor’s driveway. It was like we had our own entourage. That’s the rally life.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? Sadder. I am having a really hard time getting past the election results and what it means for our country and my relationships with some of my friends.

– thinner or fatter? I am just about the same. However, I hate this question.

– richer or poorer? About to be poorer because I have to pay property tax in 30 days. But it’s worth it, because have you heard I love my house?

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Writing, meditating (I keep trying to learn), doing new things like riding bikes or going to see a play, and trying things that take me out of my comfort zone. I read an article yesterday about Mischa Barton (yes, random, but I just downloaded the first season of the O.C. to re-watch and so when an article about her popped up in my twitter feed, I had to see how Marissa Cooper was doing as she approaches 30) and she said she heard somewhere you should re-invent yourself every seven years. Because my law career started in 2007, I’m overdue for a reinvention.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being hard on myself, stressing out about work, worrying about the future. (Again I am copying Gigi somewhat, but it’s true. Therefore, Gigi, you and I have some work to do. Perhaps another Friendiversary is in order.)

18. How did you spend Christmas/Hanukkah/Major Holiday of your choice?
I spent Christmas Day driving back from a visit to Tulsa to see Sterling’s family. That’s about seven hours in the car. That time was spent asking each other dumb questions, gossiping, sipping a Starbucks coffee (to pretend it was still cold outside, like Christmas should be, but I digress), listening to music, exchanging texts with Gigi and Madame V, and reading the Internet. All of it. Once we got home, we turned around and went to our new favorite neighborhood bar, Clutch. We walked in and immediately found a group of our friends, who yelled merrily and gave us hugs. It was a pretty good day.

19. What were your favorite TV programs?
Designated Survivor, Timeless, Botched by Nature, Marriage Boot Camp

20. What were your favorite books you read this year?
These are all the books I gave five stars on goodreads:

A Much Married Man, Wicked Pleasures, One Fifth Avenue, Crazy Blood, Leaving Time, Orange is the New Black, More Than You Know

You can see that I enjoy a very high brow type of literary greatness.

21. What was your favorite music you heard this year?
“Five More Hours” – Deorro and Chris Brown. Sterling became obsessed with this song around January sometime, and it became our theme song for partying all year. I requested it from DJs, turned it on in Ubers, played it while baking and meal prepping on Sundays.

22. What were your favorite films you saw this year?
Film-watching is not one of my strengths, but Sterling and I watched a psychological thriller called The Invitation a couple of weeks ago. It was amazing.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I celebrated all weekend because my birthday fell on a Sunday. Friday night I was supposed to have dinner with the in-laws, but my flight from Chicago was delayed until 6:30. Pretty sure we were the last ones out that night, due to the weather. We had to de-ice before takeoff, as it was snowing pretty steadily. Poor Sterling worried about me from the moment I flipped my phone into airplane mode until we landed. I should have paid for wireless and emailed him—oops. When I did get home, we went out for drinks at Clutch.

Saturday, we drove to Austin and stayed at the W with our Race Armada friends. I met up with a group of people—Gigi and Madame V included—at Lavaca Street Bar downtown. Old school.

Sunday, back to Houston for brunch at Cyclone Anaya’s. Sterling and I continued the party after brunch. The night ended with a shopping spree at CVS that included three flavors of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. The next morning we discovered toothpaste on the cat.

Not a bad showing for 39.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I am going to echo Gigi on this one: The first female president being elected.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
Classy and hip for work. Refusing to act my age, sexy bordering on slutty when I go out. Wait, Gigi told me on my birthday to stop talking like that (slutty). Okay, sexy and fierce when going out.

26. What kept you sane?
My husband. I kept a diary of my happy moments on this blog, starting in February. Here’s what I said about him on our anniversary, and this pretty much sums it up:

My husband is worth of mad love for many, many reasons. He’s handsome, smart, funny, sweet, hard working. He takes care of me. He’s a true partner in our relationship. He makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the room. But the best thing about him? The reason I married him and am happy to go through this mad journey called life together? He lets me be me. Every day. Not only does he let me be me, he loves that version of me. Even when it’s not the best version.

27. Share a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016.
Our country hasn’t come as far as I thought we had in terms of civil discourse, racism and respecting others who are different. We need to be involved, keep the faith and speak up for what we believe is right.

(I am not sure these are life lessons, but two significant things I learned in 2016:

If my husband leaves me or dies, I am selling everything I own and moving to Colorado to ski as much as possible. Basically, I am a true alcoholic’s daughter, which means I create backup plans constantly.

My husband thinks I am one of the strongest people he knows. I think that is fucking cool.)

 

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End of the Year Questions

Five years ago, I found an end of the year wrap-up quiz on a really good blog called All & Sundry Mourning. I thought the questions were interesting and it seemed a good way to remember what happened in the nearly-over year and prepare to move forward into the nearly-here one. This is a mildly tweaked version of her quiz, which may be a mildly tweaked version of someone else’s, if I read her explanation correctly.

So here is my 2016. What was yours like? If you want to share your answers, I’d love to read them.  Either way, I recommend taking some time and thinking about the year that was.

1. What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before?
So these things may not seem like a big deal, but as I haven’t been much of a traveler in my life (so far) they were novel and exciting for me.

I went to Scottsdale, Arizona with Shakira, her hubby and another fabulous friend for our 20 year ‘Friendiversary’. In Scottsdale, they sell liquor in the Walgreens, even on Sunday and there were many apartments that looked like they were right out of the Three’s Company 70s. It was fabulous.

I took all three of my kids on a plane trip by myself to visit my family in Florida. None of them were experienced flyers, so it was exciting for us all. Please note that Southwest Airlines makes a fine Bloody Mary.

I stayed in a hotel room by myself for the first time ever on a work trip in September. One of my all-time favorite things to do in life is watch tv in bed, but I don’t have a tv in my actual bedroom, because I suspect it would encourage my latent agoraphobia to blossom, so I especially adored this part of the trip. It’s the little things, baby.

Unrelated to travel: I saw the movie Elf.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions at the end of last year, since 2015 was a shitstorm for me. But I’m feeling stronger, so it’s time to make goals:

I’m going to spend time with the people I adore.

I’m going to spend time alone.

I’m going to write and work on things I love.

I’m going to keep running regularly and participate in some races.

I’m going to try not to say yes to things I don’t want out of a warped sense of obligation.

I’m going to say yes to things that sound like fun to me, even if they scare me a little.

I’m going to ask questions and seek answers.

I’m going to say what I need to say.

I’m going to keep working on building myself and my boys back up.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A dear friend had the most wonderful, smiley and cuddly baby in April. I’m so glad I get to know this little girl!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
David Bowie, Prince and George Michael. Plus Carrie Fisher. Ugh, this year was brutal. And yes, I’m aware that I did not know these folks personally and the actual year didn’t kill them. And yet….there are still a few days left in 2016 and I’m hoping that all of the Duran Duran guys and Judy Blume are taking their vitamins.

5. What countries did you visit?
I kept my magic to the good ol’ U S of A! I did go to Canada in my head for a while in November, though.

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?
Optimism. The year 2016 may have killed my optimism. And my faith in humanity. I hope those things can be resuscitated.

7. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory?
The day I started my job. The day I got my second divorce. The day I ran the half marathon with my sister (that one’s easy, ’cause it was my birthday).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting my high school prom picture etched in glass to create the “I’m So F*cking Impressed” award. It’s best idea I’ve ever had. Looking forward to celebrating the ISFIs in the near future. It’s gonna be bigger than the Oscars!

9. What was your biggest failure?
My morning routine with my boys is a colossal failure. It does not go smoothly AT ALL. EVER. I need to rework it in 2017.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had a couple of colds and some allergy issues, but nothing major. KNOCK ON WOOD. The year isn’t over yet.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My house.

12. Where did most of your money go?
See 11. The rest goes to HEB, Target and Trader Joe’s where I buy all the foods that come from mythical creatures, plus cheap wine.

13. What did you get really excited about?
I was extremely excited about my Friendiversary and Thanksgiving trips. I was very excited to eat and drink with abandon after I ran the half marathon. And I was pretty excited to return to Stars Hollow, via my couch, to watch the Gilmore Girls update. The dorkiest thing I got really excited about was catching the Pikachu with the Santa hat while playing Pokémon Go with my son.

14. What song will always remind you of 2016?
Phosphorescent’s Song for Zula. It didn’t come out this year, but I listened to it a lot. I mean, these lyrics:

“Some say love is a burning thing
That it makes a fiery ring
Oh but I know love as a fading thing
Just as fickle as a feather in a stream
See, honey, I saw love. You see, it came to me
It put its face up to my face so I could see
Yeah then I saw love disfigure me
Into something I am not recognizing ”

and

“I am not some broken thing
I do not lay here in the dark waiting for thee
No my heart is gold. My feet are light
And I am racing out on the desert plains all night.”

Yep.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? Happier. Wow.

– thinner or fatter? A little fatter. (Why? Why?!?)

– richer or poorer? Considering I didn’t have a job last year, I’m much richer!

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Playing outside with my kids. Going to the movies. Sleeping.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying. Crying. Reading internet comments with mouth agape at the level of stupidity, unkindness and atrocious spelling contained in them.

18. How did you spend Christmas/Hanukkah/Major Holiday of your choice?
I drank all the booze and ate all the food. Hmmm…wonder why I’ve gained weight? On Christmas Day I had my boys in the morning, then I went to a great party and got to spend time with some of my dearest people in the evening. We had an impromptu George Michael dance party, possibly to the chagrin of some of the men in attendance. It was a good one, except for the part about losing George.

19. What were your favorite TV programs?
Stranger Things. Offspring. Fargo. Catastrophe.

20. What were your favorite books you read this year?
The Book Thief. M Train. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

21. What was your favorite music you heard this year?
I went to see/hear way more live music in 2016 than I have in a long time and those experiences have been the highlight of the music part of my year. At one show the band did a cover of David Bowie’s Space Oddity and it was sublime.

22. What were your favorite films you saw this year?
Keanu and Bad Moms. Comedies for the win! I didn’t go to the movies enough this year, though. Gotta put that on my list of resolutions!

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Ugh…I turned 45. Just typing that makes me want to lay down. My fabulous sister came to town and we went to Houston and ran a half marathon together. Then we had dinner and many margaritas with Shakira and her hubby. It was a truly great birthday, except for the whole being halfway to 90 part.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
The first female president being elected.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
Librarian up to no good.

26. What kept you sane?
Who says I’m sane?

27. Share a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016.
I learned that I am stronger than I thought I was. And I have a voice that may be rusty from squelching it down for so long, but it is still there. I feel unsure sometimes, a residue from years of feeling like I was all wrong, but I am learning to trust my instincts again. Even though it has been painful at times, getting the chance to rebuild my life and make it my own is an amazing thing. I am lucky.

OK, 2017, let’s do this! Happy New Year to one and all!!!

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